Remember Woolworth's?

Remember Woolworth's that wonderful five and dime store that went out of business in the late nineties? I worked for them once. Here's my story.

I heard that Woolworth's was coming to our new mall and I wanted a piece of the action. And boy, did I get it! I walked over there one day to be interviewed for a job. The manager looked a lot like Robert Vaughn, the actor, and he invited me to sit down in his office and he said to me, "Sell yourself!"

Well, I was quite taken aback because I had never sold myself before. But I caught on and began to tell him how talented I was in the advertising business, having won a prize once for the best advertisement and did some other work in advertising. And I could draw!

I successfully sold myself and I was put on the payroll, as the only person in the advertising department. But the store was still closed and the merchandise was being labeled with prices and stocked where it belonged. They asked me if I wanted to help with this kind of work while I waited for my advertising job to materialize. I was not one to turn down a few bucks, so I said, "O K."

The people who were opening the store came up from Minneapolis and would be leaving when their work was finished, except for the manager. Here's where I learned what people from the big city could be like. I once heard the manager yelling at the new department heads, degrading and humiliating them in a horrible way that completely sickened and disgusted me. But then some of the department heads had their fun with the lowly help like me,too. Well, they didn't know that I was hired as the advertising person. One pale little male department head gave me and another lady orders one day to clean up after the workmen had finished working in the cafe. It was full of cigarette butts and we had to get down on our hands and knees and pick up the butts and put them in a container by hand. He looked a lot like Audie Murphy, the war hero turned actor, but a hero, he was not! Why we obeyed this nin-com-poop, I'll never know.

The personal assistant was a lady with a bad leg and she had it in for me, too. She would jump on me for no reason and let me have it with both barrels . I was bewildered because I wasn't doing anything wrong and didn't deserve to be treated that way. She later said her leg gave her a lot of pain and so she took it out on others. Bull! She enjoyed what she was doing.

One day I was summoned into the personal office and the lady with the limp asked me in a very unpleasant voice, "What are YOU doing here?" You know, like I had a nerve even setting foot on that holy ground. Then the personal director, a nice lady, said, "Annabelle is our advertising person."

Well, whatever her name was, Margaret, I think, almost fainted! From then on she greeted me very pleasantly every time she saw me, calling me Love or Honey.

And the pale little department head that had fun giving me demeaning jobs trembled in fear every time he saw me after that. I would glare at him hoping to see him shrivel up and die.

But there were other reasons why that job was not for me, so I left. I knew the man that took over for me, but by then I had moved to another town so I don't know how it went for him.

It wasn't terribly long before Woolworth's closed all its stores and became just a memory.

BBC Comedy Shows and What I Learned From Them

"Waiting for God" now there was a wonderful learning experience. Diana Trent was a woman's libber's dream. With a rough exterior shown to the world at large, inside of her dwelt a heart of gold.

She fought injustices and rallied to the causes of fairness to humans who deserved it. Diana had been a photographer/journalist who hung out with fellow journalists in foreign bars hoping to run into Ernest Hemmingway before he did away with himself. She had lived an exciting life which was now reduced to life in a retirement village. No wonder she was bitter with a repulsion to growing old.

She lived at BayView, a retirement village managed by a young, handsome egomaniac by the name of Harvey. She'd give him a swipe in his you-know-what whenever she had the chance. Harvey would fall to the ground writhing in pain much to our pure delight. Diana had a relationship with her fellow tenant, Tom, who lived right next door and they shared a patio together where Diana would paint pictures that wouldn't sell and Tom would have imaginary affairs with Golden Age Hollywood movie stars and fill Diana in on their antics. He would also

climb imaginary mountains and sail imaginary seas. After forty years of being an accountant, could you really blame him?

Then there was Jane, Harvey's assistant, who hid behind a door when God handed out the good looks. Gentle, good Jane worshipped Harvey. Actually Harvey relied on Jane a lot because only half of Harvey's brain was in working condition. Harvey drew the boundaries for Jane. Jane longed to just touch Harvey, but was not allowed to. Once in awhile she forgot herself and her

hand would land on his arm or shoulder. "Jane, you're touching me!" he would sternly remind her and she would quickly remove her hand.

In the last episode Jane and Harvey became husband and wife, and it was very evident that Jane was not the shy little mouse that even she thought she was. We were all so glad for Jane, knowing that she would be the brains in that family, but she would never let him think that he was.

Diana's investments went bad and she lost her savings. Tom invited her to move in with him, and she reluctantly agreed to. They fought like cats and dogs, but really adored each other. Tom wanted to marry Diana, but she wouldn't hear of it. But they took care of each other in sickness and in health, for better or for worse but without any formality or legality. True love, to be sure.

I learned from Waiting For God that living in a Retirement Home can be a lot of fun if you are armed with a cane, a sense of humor, a stubborn attitude and a never-say-die outlook on life.

Now I have 69 episodes on DVD's of Are You Being Served? to go through.

My Imaginary Friend Joe

Seeing that everything is covered with dangerous ice today, I thought I might amuse some of you with this new blog.

This is a story told to me by a man named Joe Songtitle. He lived his miserable life by way of song titles, and thus his name.

First, he told me, he flew his airplane Way Down Yonder in New Orleans to find the "Girl of My Dreams", as he put it. He found a Million Dollar Baby in the Five and Ten Cent Store and invited her to "Come, Josephine in My Flying Machine" and we'll have Cocktails for Two in My Blue Heaven."

Well, Josephine was afraid of airplanes, so she told him to Go Fly a Kite. That was the end of that romance. So Joe sold his airplane and went On the Road Again, singing, "California, Here I Come."

In the Golden State he met Sierra Sue, who was sad and lonely, and jumped at the chance to have a fling with Joe. After a bit, he told her he wanted to find A Sweet Little Nest Some Where in the West and Let the Rest of the World Go by. But Sierra Sue wanted to be where the

action was, so she said to him, "Hit the Road, Jack, and Don't Come Back No More, No More, Hit the Road and Don't Ya Come Back No More."

So Joe decided to go South of the Border where he might have better luck. It Was Fiesta Down in Mexico so he decided to stay and see the show. He knew that Frenesi meant please love me, and he could say, Frenesi. A lovely senorita caught his eye and they went dancing bye and bye, but she was doing the Charleston to a rhumba rhythm. But, regardless, Joe proposed marriage to Maria Elena and she said, "Yes, We Have No Bananas." Well, Joe saw plainly that they didn't speak the same language so he dumped her and decided to go back to his hometown, New York,

New York, a wonderful town, The Bronx is up and the Battery's down; the people ride in a hole in the ground.

In New York he saw The Girl Behind the Venetian Blind and fell madly in love with her at first sight. He found out that her name was Jeannie With the Light Brown Hair, who was looking very blond at the moment. (well, after all, this was New York)

He went to her door and knocked. She opened the door and Joe said, "A You're Adorable, B You're So Beautiful, C You're a Cutie full of Charm. Jeannie fell into his arms and said, "D You're a Darling, and E You're Exciting! And Joe remarked, " F You're a Feather in My Arms and G You Look Good to Me, H You're so Heavenly, I You're the One I Idolize."

She said, "J We're Like Jack and Jill, K You're So Kissable, L is the Love light in Your Eyes.

So Joe and Jeannie got married and had two children. They named them---EM 'N OPEE. (read slowly)

And they all lived happily ever after.

Returning to Paradise?

We are all familiar with the story of Adam and Eve who, because they wanted to live forever, were evicted from their place of residence.

In the garden they had no need for a street sign or a house number because there would never be a relative or two driving up with their luggage announcing that they were going to visit for a week or two or longer). The only voices they heard other than their own was the voice of that serpent, until later, of course.

I imagine they enjoyed the singing of the birds and the croaking of the frogs. I know I would have, but they needed more. People are funny that way, we always want more. It seems to be a human failing. And the serpent promised them more.

So the drug companies of today are trying to give us the "more" that we need.

"If you want more years added to your life, take this pill and it will flush out your clogged arteries, and you will have a longer life."

"Depressed? Take this pill and it will fix that chemical imbalance in your brain and you will live a happier life------happier, therefore, longer."

"Too much lard on the old bones? Drink this green tea, jump up and down for twenty minutes a day, and the fat will fall off, and you will live a longer life." On and on. So the ads promise.

Mind you, I'm not saying this stuff doesn't work, because it usually does.

Until something better comes along.

Even in our Garden of Medications we must be careful where we walk, because there is a serpent lurking behind the label. It's the warning that comes with every medication.

Well, this will be all for now, as it is time for my synthroid.

How to Lose Customers

Because of the icy roads and walks, I have been in hibernation for quite a while. This morning

I decided to venture out and see how much the world had changed since I last left my house.

First I went to Kmart, where I have been shopping for the last thirty-eight years without hardly

a complaint. Today I had three complaints!!

First, I hope they are covered well by insurance because their parking lot is a life-threatening stretch of ice-covered asphalt. But with the help of my cane, I made it to the door without breaking any bones. I bought many things, almost $100 worth of stuff and went to check out.

I wrote out a check and presented it to the young man who attempted to see if it was any good.

The register refused to accept it! The young man tried again. No luck. This was preposterous!

I did mention to him that he should call the manager, but I guess he didn't hear me. Or didn't want to hear me.

So I got out my credit card. Which, by the way, is not a Sears/Kmart credit card because I cancelled that one when I saw how much interest they wanted to charge. Preposterous!

It seems that Kmart approves of any credit card, so I took my basket of bags and started for the exit. As I pushed the door open I got beeped!! Absolutely preposterous!!

A clerk from the customer service desk came over to me and looked at what I had bought. She found a blood pressure monitor that I bought here and took the strip off that was responsible for accusing me of being a shop-lifter and I told her about the check fiasco and that I didn't think I would bring my trade to this store anymore.

Then I proceeded to the Super Market which was very close by. Their parking lot was free of

ice. And not only that they had a big new supply of Little Debbie Peanut Butter Crunches that I

cannot live without. So I was happy.

I drove home and tried out my new blood pressure monitor. It read 110 over 75. Kmart didn't

succeed in raising my blood pressure at all!!

Equal Employment Opportunity Amendment

Young people, I hope you are well acquainted with the E.E.O. amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. It arrived in 1972. I needed it in 1970.

I worked for a newspaper. They had two wage scales in force. One for men, one for women. The guys I worked with in the back shop preparing the newspaper for the photographer and the press got more than twice as much money as I did. I worked harder than they did. And that's a fact!!

The production manager knew it and he went the General Manager one day

and tried to get me a raise. He came back with the great news that I would now get $.05 more an hour than before. Oh, Happy Day!

They really did know that I was valuable so I was the only one who was allowed to write my hours worked using a pencil on the time card. Everybody else had to punch in. The production manager hinted vaguely that I could stretch every three hours into four hours and nobody would take me to task. In other words, my cheating would be condoned because they knew I really wasn't getting paid what I was worth.

I wasn't raised to be dishonest, so I couldn't do that.

But I did enjoy the job. The guys were a lot of fun to work with. Howie would amuse me at times by rolling one eyeball round and round while the other one stayed in place. I've never

seen anyone else do that. And Floyd used to swivel his hips like crazy when the bosses weren't looking. Howie told me confidentially that Floyd killed a six-pack every night, and Floyd told me that Howie's lake cabin wasn't as nice as he described it. Frank was in charge of the huge

so-called computer that printed out the text for the news and such. Frank was on the phone to

Chicago almost every day because he had so much trouble with that computer. It was no wonder that Frank went gambling every Friday night. Herb, who quietly kept to himself,

pasted up the want-ads and took a swig of his "cough medicine" several times a day. I was left

to guess what that cough medicine really was. Then there was Jake who also kept quietly to himself at his work station. One day he came up to my drafting table and said, "I don't drink,

I don't smoke and I don't chase women!" I replied, " And you don't brag much, either, do you?"

One day, before work started, a couple of girls put a bottle of laxative on his table.

To make this report more interesting, I will mention that one day Stan, the photographer, invited me into his dark room.

They were a great bunch, including the ladies, a few of whom decided to go on a sit-down strike one morning in the coffee room. (they, like me, were grossly under-paid) They were told where the door was and they came begging to get their jobs back.

I found out later that the EEO Amendment wouldn't have done me any good. The publishers would have known exactly how to use the loop holes to their advantage.

A Visit to a Spiritualist Church

Back in the early 70's having recently moved to Duluth, I decided to accept an invitation to visit the local Spiritualist Church. The invitation was in the local newspaper and was very intriguing because I had never had the experience of hearing from the other side before.

My daughter came with me and we took a seat in the very back of the church. We witnessed the usual service and listened to a woman who spoke to the congregation while apparently in a trance. When she finished, she was a little wobbly until she fully emerged from the trance. I can't remember what she talked about. Nothing spectacular, I'm sure. Another lady sang a

lovely song or two. A child was presented with a red rose for some reason.

Then the minister of the church began to speak. A young couple seated close to us didn't say a word, but the minister assured them that their deceased child was well taken care of on the other side. The wife began to cry. She didn't audibly confirm she had lost her child, but you could see that the minister was right about her losing a child. He then pointed to a lady that I

knew slightly and said he saw that she was a healer. He was right! She was a chiropractor. I'm

sure she was a visitor just like me, not anyone that he knew.

Then he pointed to me! He said he wanted to talk to the lady in the light-colored raincoat in the back row. That was me! I had never seen him before, and he knew nothing about me. I squirmed a little, and wondered what on earth was going to happen now.

He went on to say that he saw two spirits behind me. One was a woman with her hair done in

braids coiled in back of her head. The other was a man who was having some distress in his chest.

We had been working on our family tree. My grandma who wore her hair in that fashion in the pictures we have of her and who died at the age of 29 had been on my mind a lot in the past few days, so she must have been one of the spirits. And the other spirit must have been my old boss who had been murdered by a bullet to his chest, and this was such a shock to me that he also had been on my mind much of the time. So this minister was either reading my

thoughts that had been hanging around my mind during this time, or he actually saw two spirits. He certainly had some kind of a gift. I didn't respond, but I still wonder what was really happening that day.

It was a very interesting experience!